SnowWhite Secchan
by Tigris2
Summary: What in the name of all Negima is this? Setsuna as Snow White? A class play coming soon? KonoSetsu? All that and more inside! More demented than ever! Rating subject to change.
1. The Tale of Snow White Secchan

**Author's Notes:** _So, who remembers Negi's comment about Setsuna in the fourth volume of the manga? The one about her skin being snow white? Well, that's what this whole idea spawned from, that single quote. Imagine, if you will, a demented version of the tale of Snow White, with Setsuna as the version of the title role and avid support for KonoSetsu from the author. This is that demented version. For the curious, I used http//www. /sevendwarfs /index .html(remove the spaces and copy and paste to visit) as the reference with which to write this parody of the fairy tale. In the upcoming chapter (or chapters, depending) this fairly strange fairy-tale will be the basis for the larger plot. Which I'll expound on in the next author's note. Now read the dementia, and remember, reviews keep Tigris nice and crazy!_

Once upon a time, in the middle of winter (because the title couldn't very well allude to SNOW without there being SNOW in the weather), the flakes were falling like snowflakes from the sky. They were falling like snowflakes because snowflakes were what they were. While the flakes were doing their falling, a woman with beautiful well-shampooed ebony hair sat at a window sharpening her sword. And whilst she was sharpening and looking out the window, she accidentally sliced her finger off, because she certainly didn't do so on purpose, and a large amount of blood fell upon the snow. The red blood looked pretty upon the white of the snow, so she thought to herself, "I wish I had a child as white as that snow, as red as that blood, and as black as my hair."

A while after that she had a little daughter. And there was much rejoicing. The bouncing baby girl was, of course, as white as the snow, as red as the blood, and her hair was as black as her mother's; and therefore her mother wanted to name her Snow White, but her father, a crow demon, said that was silly and so they named her Setsuna instead. And when little Secchan was born, her mother died, in a suitably old-fairy-tale style.

After a year had passed, little Secchan's wings started to grow in. Secchan's father had a magic mirror that he used to divine knowledge about his daughter whenever he felt too lazy to go and check on her himself, and now he stood in front of it, and said—

"Mirror, mirror, you stupid thing,

What color are my daughter's stinkin' wings?"

The mirror answered—

"White, O Sir, are her wings. SNOW white, I might add, and I really do think-"

At this point Secchan's father turned away from the mirror and, in a blind fury, smashed it to pieces. And that was the end of the magic mirror.

White wings were strictly not allowed amongst the crow demons, although Secchan's mother would have been happy for the snow white wings. However, her father, and the rest of the crow demons for that matter, viewed white wings as terrible bad luck.

Secchan's father was shocked and angry, and debated at great length about what to do for the bad luck, wearing a circular rut into the floor. Whenever he looked at little Secchan, his heart shot up into his throat, so sickened was he by the terrible white wings.

Eventually it grew to the point where he could not stand the state of his daughter anymore, and so called for one of his friends, and said, "Take her into the forest, kill her, and bring me back her heart as a token, would you? Then we won't have any trouble with the bad luck." His friend agreed, and took little Secchan away; but when he was about to kill innocent little Secchan, she kicked his ass twelve ways to Tuesday, so badass was she for a one-year old.

And as she was so badass, her father's friend decided to reconsider. "All right then, I'll let you go this time!" he shouted to the young Setsuna. Secchan responded by kicking him in the shin and then scurrying off into the woods, leaving him cursing. "_Now_ what do I do?" her father's friend asked himself. And as a young monkey conveniently chittered by just then, he stabbed it, and cut out its heart, and took it back to Setsuna's father as "proof" of his deed. Setsuna's father ate it raw, and thought he had eaten the heart of Secchan, and so was satisfied that the bad luck would never trouble him.

But of course he hadn't, and little Secchan was busy tromping through the woods as alive as it was possible to be. Eventually she somehow came upon Shinmei school of swordsmanship. Upon arrival she was attacked by the security forces of the school, as her wings pegged her as a demon instantly, but her small body managed to slip through the rush of bodies and hide in an empty shed full of wooden practice swords.

Little Secchan grew so hungry that she began gnawing on one of the practice swords, and it was the chewing noise which alerted a passing student to her presence in the shed. At first Secchan was prepared to kick some royal hieney again, but the student instead proved to be a kind soul instead of a mean one. She gave Secchan some clothes to wear that covered her still small wings and took Secchan back to her teachers to introduce her.

In the end the student ended up having to claim full responsibility for Secchan, which included clothing and food. Still, the student was happy with her actions; but this may have been because for the first year of her time with the Shinmei student, little Secchan did nothing but carry things for her. Eventually, however, the Shinmei teachers decided Secchan should learn how to _really_ own some newbs. So they began to teach Secchan the _mad_ sword skills.

After three years of practicing kendo with the Shinmeiryuu, little Secchan was sent to the estate of one Konoe Eishun and his own little daughter, Konoe Konoka. The two were shy around each other at first—well, all right, mostly little Secchan was the shy one—but soon came to be good friends.

One day, after the pair had tired with throwing their little ball around, Konoka said, "Secchan, can I see your stick?"

"All right, ojou-sama," Secchan replied after a moment of consideration.

"I told you to call me Kono-chan!" Konoka pouted.

"All right, Kono-chan…" Secchan said, before handing over her practice sword.

"Yay! Thank you, Secchan!" Konoka responded happily. Waving Secchan's practice sword wildly above her head, she ran around in small circles, cheering contentedly. Secchan worried over Konoka all the while, tailing her and warning Konoka to slow down before she hurt herself.

Suddenly, Konoka not-quite-unexpectedly tripped and began to fall. Secchan immediately rushed forward to catch her friend, whose flailing arms managed to land the wooden practice sword on Secchan's head several times. After the series of loud, dull thumps had ended, the result was that Konoka had regained her balance and remained standing while Secchan lay crumpled in a heap on the ground like a burlap sack with crime-scene evidence in it while many lumps began rising on her abused head.

And as it dawned upon Konoka what she had done, she dropped her friend's sword and burst into tears, with cries of "WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! I KILLED SECCHAN!" And there was much sadness to be found. Konoka ran all about the estate screaming her message, so much so that everyone was convinced of Secchan's death and none actually checked to see if she was indeed still among the living. How a wise mage such as Konoe Eishun could have possibly been convinced merely by his daughter's hysterical screaming of the death of a robust child such as Secchan was forever remained a mystery.

One thing was certain; everyone was convinced that Secchan had died, and thus required burial. Little Konoka, however, raised such a hell at the prospect of Secchan being put in the dark ground was enough to convince her father Eishun to arrange for a transparent glass coffin to be made, which was quite lucky for Secchan. And so, with a few complaints about the corpse-stink which many were sure was to appear, little Secchan was laid in the glass coffin. After enough complaints were made, a western wizard was brought in to place an enchantment of an unspecified kind upon the coffin, as a writer's convenience.

And now Secchan lay a long, long, _long_ time in the coffin, and looked as if she were asleep. Curiously, everyone in the estate failed to notice that while in the coffin, Secchan grew and matured just as the continuously grieving Konoka did in the world outside the coffin. But perhaps it was that their eyes were merely blinded by tears whenever they passed the coffin that held the no-longer-so-little Secchan.

It eventually happened that an ermine from a distant country was traveling through the land and one day happened upon the Konoe estate. He saw the odd glass coffin, and the not-so-little Secchan within, and observed the grief of the young Konoka. At length he said to Konoka, "Let me at the coffin, and I can open it for you." Konoka was horrified at the idea, and admonished the ermine, and cried, "I could never let the coffin be opened, for then my poor dear Secchan would be spoiled, and my heart with her!" The ermine looked at the grieving girl and said, "But it looks to me, young miss, as if your Secchan is not dead, but merely sleeping, and I know a spell that would revive her."

At this news Konoka was overjoyed, and immediately fetched Secchan's old practice sword, and used it to break open the lid of the glass coffin. Clearing the glass away from her precious Secchan, she turned to the ermine and begged him to cast his spell. The ermine grinned, a rather un-ermine gesture, and instructed Konoka to lean closer, that he might whisper what to do in Konoka's ear.

Upon hearing what she needed to do, Konoka shouted with joy and immediately leapt for Secchan, leaving the ermine barely enough time to prepare the spell. As the ermine shouted "PACTIO!" for the incantation, Konoka kissed Secchan with a fierce eagerness that spoke of ten years of wanting to do exactly that. There was a bright flash of light, and before long Secchan opened her eyes and sat up and looked around in slight confusion.

"Kono-chan…?" she said to the girl of the same name before her, "…what's going on?"

At this Konoka merely shouted with happiness and lunged at Secchan and kissed her again, evoking an immediate bright, confused blush as the ermine chuckled to himself and slunk away.

"H-hey, wh-what was with the tongue just then!"

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"…That was the most messed-up story I've ever heard, Negi!" Konoka exclaimed, leaning forward to look at the book in the child sensei's hands. Negi looked up at Konoka then frowned down at the book.

"I remembered Snow White different from this…" he mumbled. Konoka merely giggled.

"It's a weird story. But y'know, Secchan," she added, addressing the dark-haired girl seated approximately next to her, "it's almost like a really twisted version of our lives, don't you think?"

Setsuna blushed slightly at this comment, and leaned a bit closer for a better look at Konoka. "Are you feeling all right, ojou-sama? Do you have a fever or anything? You sound delirious…"

"I've told you to stop calling me ojou-sama!" the Konoe girl exclaimed, suddenly standing and heading towards the exit of the library. Setsuna hurriedly jumped out of her chair after her with a clatter.

"Ojou-sama, wait! Wait! Ojou-samaaaa! K-Kono-chan!"

As Setsuna ran after Konoka out of the library, Negi continued to sit frowning at the book. "I could swear this isn't Snow White." Bringing the book closer to his face, he squinted hard at the pages. "There's something strange about this book, too," he noted. "The text in this section looks different from the text in the rest of the book…"

Around the corner and behind the bookshelf, Asuna was hiding and listening to the entire thing, trying hard not to burst out in a fit of laughter. Chamo climbed up onto her shoulder, a pen grasped in one paw, grinning a triumphant ermine grin.

"Hehehehehe, we did it, ane-san! Phase one completed!" he exclaimed.

"I have to admit," Asuna replied, "For once you had a good idea, you vermin ermine!"

_To be continued  
(When my brains aren't mush.)_


	2. Ain't Exposition Wonderful?

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN the rights to anything related to Mahou Sensei Negima—manga, anime, or merchandise. Those rights belong to Ken Akamatsu and various corporations that have licensed them.

**Author's Notes:** _Phew! Finally, the second chapter! It's mostly just exposition. What? I had to do it!_

**Three days earlier:**

"WHAAAAT?!"

A disbelieving shout echoed through the halls of Mahora Academy's junior high building, followed by the sound of a hand slamming against the top of a desk and the scrape of a chair moving back as its occupant stood up.

"A _class play_??" Kagurazaka Asuna shouted (again), staring incredulously at the onion-headed child sensei who had just delivered the news.

"That's right," the class's teacher, Negi Springfield, said with an apologetic half-smile. "As you all know, we have a school festival coming up, and the headmaster says that after what happened last time, our class isn't allowed to choose its own activity. So, he decided to choose it for us." Immediately after the words had left his mouth, the class went into an uproar. Knowing he was powerless to stop the class's outbursts, Negi settled back against his desk with a little sigh.

Contrary to what one might expect, however, the class's outburst was not altogether an angry one. In fact, the only ones that seemed angry about the prospect of having to go on stage in front of an audience and perform were Asuna and one Hasegawa Chisame, who may have reveled in the limelight of the net idol world but was less than thrilled at being involved with the members of 3-A in any way. There were some less than excited at the possibility of being placed under such scrutiny, such as Sakurazaki Setsuna and Miyazaki Nodoka, but the rest of the class seemed genuinely excited about the idea of a play.

The Narutaki twins, Fuuka and Fumika, were already cooking up pranks to pull during rehearsals. Mahora's paparazzi and 3-A's human database, Asakura Kazumi, was grinning at the opportunity for an article and photos of the class in costumes; and maybe, just maybe, a _scoop_. Class rep Yukihiro Ayaka was fantasizing about being in the spotlight with her beloved Negi-sensei; the same sort of fantasy Ayase Yue was planning for Nodoka. Zazie Rainyday, the class' resident stage magician and acrobat, was thinking excitedly about the prospect of performing her craft for a large audience. Karakuri Chachamaru, the class' resident robot, wondered if the play would involve animals. Murakami Natsumi, the local drama club member, was on Cloud Nine. Even 3-A's resident ghost, Aisaka Sayo, was getting excited about the play.

"Ah! Wait, everyone!" Negi cried, suddenly remembering something. He jumped up from his desk and waved for attention. "Everyone! I forgot! I have another announcement!" Unfortunately for the child sensei, however, his cries were drowned out by the excited voices of his students. Normally Asuna or the class rep would come to his aid, but each was too wrapped up in their own thoughts about the play to notice poor Negi-bozu.

Suddenly, one of the most unexpected voices of all rose to help him.

"Hey! Brats! The bouya has something to say!" shouted one Evangeline A.K. McDowell, the cursed vampiric student of 3-A, from the back of the class. The normally aloof, taciturn student's sudden vocalization was enough to stun the excited class of 3-A into enough silence for Negi to speak.

Negi, however, was just as surprised as the rest of the class, leaving little to no room to even remember what he was about to say, let alone give voice to his announcement. His mouth hanging slightly open, his eyes glazed with a look of blank shock, Negi simply stood staring at Evangeline, along with the rest of the class. A long silence followed, with Evangeline growing increasingly impatient with the child sensei's silence. Seconds ticked by slowly as the pause grew in length and awkwardness.

"Well come on, Negi-bozu!" Evangeline finally shouted in exasperation. "Are you just going to stand there with your mouth open all day?! The flies will get in!"

"Oh! Um…uh..I.." Negi said, flailing about in his startled state, causing more than a few snickers amongst his students. After a few more seconds, he managed to recompose himself and continue with his announcement. "The headmaster has also told me that we have to adapt a fairytale for the play." He paused with a nervous half-smile before continuing. "Apparently he's not taking any chances with us." That last comment, however, was drowned out by another uproar from the class.

The class seemed even more excited by this announcement than by the initial news of the play. Among those especially excited were Ayaka, Yue, Haruna and, surprisingly, Ku Fei.

"Can we be doing Aladdin??" Ku Fei asked excitedly. "He Chinese, you know!"

"CHINESE?!" Yue shouted incredulously, instantly forgetting her scheme to use a fairytale play to hook up Negi and Nodoka. "_How_ is Aladdin _Chinese_?! There is absolutely NO mention _anywhere_ in the tale of Aladdin about him being CHINESE! Everyone has an Arabic name! Aladdin is _clearly_ of Middle-Eastern origin! Chinese, _honestly!_"

"Is true!" Ku Fei replied happily. "I learned on 'Jeopardy'!"

"Where did you even _see_ 'Jeopardy' in _Japan_?!"

While Ku Fei and Yue were locked in their quasi-intellectual debate about the origin of a fictional character, Ayaka was busy entering her usual Negi-induced giggling, salivating monkey form. Of course, the rest of the class paid little attention, as they were quite used to hearing the usual "Oh, Negi-sensei" from the class rep every few seconds. The only class member who bothered to pay attention was, also rather unsurprisingly, Asuna, interrupting the class rep's fantasy of Negi and herself during a romantic moment on stage with a swift kick to the face.

"Asuna! How dare you kick my face!" Ayaka shouted, startled out of her thoughts.

"How dare you think about a _child_ that way?!" Asuna shot back, taking an aggressive stance.

"I'll have you know that Negi-sensei is _very_ mature for a child!" The class rep responded, rising to meet Asuna's offensive.

"Oh shut up, you pedophile!" And with that, another pair in the class was locked in a confrontation. With all the commotion from the two pairs of opponents and the various bits of the class that had gathered to cheer on the fighting and make bets, everyone managed to miss the approach of the "Ogre."

"DO YOU GIRLS HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS?!" Nitta the Ogre roared indignantly as he threw open the door to the classroom. "Homeroom is _over_! OVER! That means finished!"

"B-but Nitta-sensei…" Negi blubbered helplessly. Nitta looked on unsympathetically, before opening his mouth to issue one word in a dooming proclamation.

"Seiza!"

The class groaned, collectively.

**One day later:**

"All right, everyone," Negi began, nervously placing a hand behind his head as he attempted to address the class again. "Let's try this again. The headmaster had informed me that we're to do a class play, and, furthermore, that the play must be an adaptation of a fairy tale. Does anyone have any ideas, or—?"

Once more, Negi's voice was drowned out by the ensuing uproar from the class. How the child sensei's meek words could cause such uproar amongst his students would probably remain for all time an unfathomable mystery. Perhaps the students of Mahora's 3-A class very just naturally spirited and lively, so any outlet that was particularly opportunistic was immediately jumped upon with great enthusiasm. Or perhaps they were just insane. It was anyone's guess, really.

Whether they were natural enthusiasm-fueled or insanity-fueled, myriad shouts and suggestions began emanating from the students. Negi, nearly blasted backwards by the sheer force of volume, could only whimper in self-pity as the class once again took control out of his hands.

"Aladdin!" Ku Fei's voice yelled out from among the confusion.

"For the last time, he's _not_ Chinese!" Yue's angry voice replied. "I say Sleeping Beauty!"

"Sleeping Beauty!" Saotome Haruna's voice concurred.

"S-s-sleeping beauty?!" Nodoka's timid voice was just barely audible above the din as she questioned her two friends.

"I concur! Sleeping Beauty!" the class rep shouted, before adding in a haughty tone, "and of course _I_ will play the title role!"

"In your dreams, rep!" one of the Narutaki twins yelled back.

"Little Red Riding Hood!" someone shouted.

"Hansel and Gretel!" came another voice.

"Bluebeard!"

"What's with all the western fairy tales?!"

"The tale of Princess Kaguya!" Sayo shouted enthusiastically, seeming to momentarily forget the fact that almost no one in the class could see or hear her without her making a tremendous effort.

"I don't think that'll fly, Sayo-chan…" her journalist friend replied with a slightly exasperated smile.

"Cinderella!"

"Rapunzel!"

"E-Everyone, please..!" Negi pleaded his students, although his voice barely penetrated the commotion.

"Father Frost!"

"I've never _heard_ of that one!"

"Kannazuki no Miko!"

"That's not a fairy tale, that's an anime!"

The situation dragged on in a similar matter for the duration of homeroom, eventually bringing the wrath of the Ogre of Mahora Junior High down on them once more, which meant more formal seiza-sitting for all… including poor Negi. Every member of the class was either so busy wallowing in their misery caused by the pain in their legs, or fighting hard to maintain a show of dignity in the face of the punishment, that no one noticed a white ermine scurry onto an orange-haired girl's shoulder and whisper conspiratorially into her ear, "Ne, Ane-san… I have an idea."

**The day after that:**

"Once more, from the top," Negi began again, miserable tears streaming down his face like little waterfalls as he anticipated another outburst from his students. "We have to do a class play based on a fairy tale, so… any ideas?" He turned to face the chalkboard, a piece of chalk trembling in his hand, as the shouting began anew. Hew tried desperately to jot down and tally up all the suggestions he heard.

"Aladdin!"

"Shut _up_!"

"Kaguya-hime!"

"Bluebeard!"

"Sessha, de gozaru!"

"That's not a fairy tale!"

Suddenly, a single voice rose above all the others, overriding the confused shouts with a single phrase.

"Snow White!"

All activity came to a halt, as the members of 3-A tried to discern where the loud voice had come from. The owner of the voice, however, said nothing else and blended into the mass of thirty-one students until it was impossible to find the source.

A few more moments passed. Then, almost as one, save for a few rebels, the class nodded in agreement. Soon the entire class was shouting "Snow White! Snow White!" in an excellent display of mob psychology. Negi smiled, relieved, and wrote "Snow White" on the board in the biggest characters possible for the child sensei's small arms and the board's dimensions.

"Snow White it is!" he chirped happily once the class had calmed down. "We've already used up two days figuring out what to do, so we're going to have to start preparations right away!"

Thus the class began the task of assigning jobs for everyone to do in order to help pull off the production in all of its anticipatedly grand proportions. Of course, the class rep decided to take it upon herself to order her fellow students around.

"Haruna, you'll design costumes! Nakase, you can work on props! Natsumi! You'll… work backstage!" This was followed by a disbelieving sob from Murakami Natsumi. "Come on, people, let's move! We've wasted enough of Negi-sensei's valuable time as it is!"

"But rep," Konoka broke in, "we don't even have a script yet! Or a story to make a script out of!"

Ayaka instantly deflated—figuratively, of course. Negi could probably turn the class rep into an inflatable pool toy if the desire struck him to abuse his magic in such a way, but it hadn't yet. So it happened that Ayaka merely stopped her shouting and seemed to instantly lose all of her energy, _as if_ the air had been let out of her, concluding the day's lesson in metaphor. The following silence provided Asuna her chance to jump in for the second time that day.

"Hey, Negi!" she called from her seat, causing all heads to turn towards her. "Library Island might have a book of fairy tales or something, right? We find Snow White and have Yue or Bookstore adapt that into a script, right?"

"Ah! Good idea, Asuna-san!" Negi replied with a smile. "Why don't you come with me to go find the book later today?"

"Why don't you take someone from the Library Club with you?" Asuna shot back, before adding in an undertone, "I've had enough of Library Island to last me a lifetime, thanks."

"Oooh! Negi-kun, I'll go help you look!" Konoka suddenly chimed in, raising her hand.

"All right then, Konoka-san! You can come with Asuna-san and me to look for the book!"

"WHO SAID I WAS COMING, HUH?!" Asuna shouted angrily, jumping to the front of the class and seizing Negi's cheeks before pulling forcefully. Negi flailed helplessly in the strong girl's grip.

"Aaah! A-Asuna-saaaan!"

"Asuna! Take your hands off of Negi-sensei, you brute!" Ayaka cried, banging her hand down onto her desk,

"Stuff it, you pedophile!"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"

"ALL OF YOU!!! SEIZA POSITION, NOW!!!"

Another group torture session…

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End chapter 2.

It goes without saying that Setsuna will come along to the library if Konoka's going, right? Right. I thought so.

I apologize profusely for this chapter being so very, very, unforgivably late, and give my sincerest thanks to all who read the first chapter and reviewed, and my deepest gratitude to anyone that decides to come back to this story!

I'm going to try to work hard on the third chapter. Writing KonoSetsu fanfics and making Kannazuki no Miko AMVs beats schoolwork any day!

Chugging bravely on,

Tigris2


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